my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
