Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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