We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
