I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
