its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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