I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize