I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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