we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
