Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she smelled like a LAN party
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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