I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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