I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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