Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
