I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
