Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
high people should be assigned attendants
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
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