There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
