plz talk dirty to me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
