So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
