So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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