People in love make me want to vomit
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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