New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
