i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
