I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i barfeds in our rink
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
