Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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