Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize