You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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