her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
