Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My legs feel like baby dolphins
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
