Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fuck appropriateness.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
