bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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