At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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