Screwed.edu
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
