everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize