I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
