p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
