i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
