Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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