there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
