I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
