I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
