Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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