You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize