Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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