Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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