Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize