I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
