Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
