i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
