bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize