Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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