I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
