I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
