Plan B is the new Plan A
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
