we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
