You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
