capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize