My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
