I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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