I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
