He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
