I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize