I think my fart just growled at me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
