I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
