I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
