So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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