wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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