Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
