you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
