Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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