FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
