this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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