Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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