fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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