you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
