So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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