turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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