I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize