a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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