I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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