I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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