operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
