You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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